GOD loves me...`*
*Tukata - the doll*~

*-A graduate
*-Getting older, becoming younger
*-231084
*-Still seeking GOD
*-A tomboy in skirts



___conttact miee*~

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
*-faithful_jesus_84@hotmail.com

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
*-crazygal@cheerful.com


~*Likes*~

*-Spicy and sour food *-Music
*-Catcus & tulips *-Boardgames
*-Ice skating *-Volleyball
*-Dancing *-Stoning
*-Looking @ sky *-Seaside
*-Dolphin *-Seashells & Starfishs

~*Loves*~

*-someone.. so near yet so far
*-boardgames
*-Above all ,GOD




~*Life goals*~

*-missions in thailand
*-to get marry
*-stay in thailand
*-to have kids
*-to see GOD



~wisshex*~

*-serve god
*-to be able to glorified God in my jobs
*-that I have less troubles in BGR
*-someone to remember his promise
*-to serve in thailand full time


__darlinnkx*~

Liying* CG29*
Roger* Carine*
Grace* Regina*
Xiaodong* Mark*
My photos* Fang Yu*
cyril* Yvonne*
Kitty* Justin*
Matthea* Carine*
Matthias* Da Jie*
Dori* Multi purpose*
Joanne* ZD*
Siyin* Victor*
Darlene* Isaac*


December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 April 2006 May 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 October 2007 June 2008 July 2008

CoPyRiGhTtEdd --
*-mRs_NuRhAiKeL*



Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Confused ... Dilema ...

Really thought of quitting Settlers .... Dilema ... I love settlers but the pressure is too much ...

___herre with miee*~
9:44 PM
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Feelings ...

A lot of mixed feelings ... i n m nearly quarrel over tiny matter ... or rather he blew his top @ me ... he gave way to me n i gave way to him ... then i din go he is angry ... why must it b like tt ???????? i reali love him la ... help , GOD ...i saw his back hurts ... i reali wan to care ... he ve interview today ... I reali wan to b there for him , I wan to ask him hw is the interview , hw his back is ... n have him comforting me ... sometimes i oso dun noe i m jus comfortable to ve him ard or reali dun wan lose him ... Working wit him is strain on me.... i wan to separate work n my love ... so hard

___herre with miee*~
9:04 AM
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Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Drenched & Sad...

Just now I went for mime rehearsal .. before that I went to PI and saw gloom ... wanted to buy the original and expansion pack... but i ve no $$ and i dun noe whether I wan to b reminded of M...
during the mime ... i seem to b the one affecting everione ... always cant get into the character ... is so hard ... am i cut out to b in theatre ..... I wan to do it well .... so sad ...
Then went down to settlers to meet shaojing they all ... but i m drenched .... look like jus have a shower on the street ... reach settlers dripping with water ... saw M outside the cafe ...though we acknowledge each other, we never talk @ all .. not even care whether i drenched or nt... but the moving rubbish went in automatically gave me a cup of hot water ... then he take it back and put honey... and take lemon for me ... but M is ignoring the fact and me ... He jus act ignorant to the fact i m wet ... nt 1 word of concern.... i m damm sad la ... even moving rubbish show me concern... and other pple nt close to me oso try to b nice lor ... but he went to tok to Eliza being nice to her ... so pain... my heart bleed ... the more such things happen ... the more i n M have no more chance le ... His back hurts ... feel like comforting him telling him is fine ... i ll b there for him n his back ... I wan to care but I cant .. I can only act blur ... I wan to hug him ... I wan to care !!! I wan him to noe tt i reali care nt used him ...
And Ed think is gd tt i n M no chance .... at tt pt when he sae tt i feel like slapping him ... he been wishing tt 1 dae i n M will hate each other ... he is so immature ... he ruin his chance with me le ... but I wan to ed to noe tt even i n M cant b together i still care n wori n upset over M ... he noe tt i love M but he alwaz hope n think tt if M dun i ll give up or if i n M fight i ll give him a chance ... I did try to consider tt option but after wat he sae ... i find tt is a no ...

___herre with miee*~
10:26 PM
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Sunday, November 27, 2005
A lesson learnt....

There is no U – turn in relationship. Once something happens that causes changes to a relationship, there is no way it can go back to its original state. Like a vase that is broken, no matter how much glue or tape will not bring back the original state of the vase, there will be a blemish. And not everything or everyone gives you second chance, so never do things that you will regret. What done is done, it cannot be undone. I did not treasure and cherish someone that is very important to me and I hurt him so badly that I lose him. Only then I realize that he is very important to me but I cannot turn back the time and undo the mistake just like Tracy can’t undo the harm she had inflicted on Yew Tai. The minute the damage is done, people don’t trust you anymore.
I paid a high price for this lesson... so high ... I am going to let go ... If it meant to be , it meant to be ... If not , then just move on ... I dont know how can someone be so happy that another person not on good term with others .... and how can he imagine or even wish that I fell out wit M ... damm shocked by him and very sad that he say such things... To me he become so naive and immature ... but he has gone through so much and so old ... he shouldnt be telling me that and even thinking of that ... I think he can guessed that my worries and sadness is associated with M ... but he is wori n scared ... I know that he think that if I n M cant make it then he ll ve chance la .... and also he dont want M to b so impactful even when I fell out wit M , still care for him... He noe i need time ... he want a proper answer .. I ve but I didnt want to give him yet cause I want to know by the end of the 1 mth ... is M still the one i love ...

___herre with miee*~
11:28 PM
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Friday, November 25, 2005
Gone...

The thing I detest ... happens... He is gone ... I miss having him the way he treat me ... the stroke , the pat he ve for me ... but I see it nt to me but to another girl ... my heart breaks .... shattered ... I even lose a frenz .... I am sorry....

___herre with miee*~
3:31 AM
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Thursday, November 24, 2005
Life...

Since sat.. Life has a mystery to me ... and the funnie part I think more of it and my future which include family , children etc... I think alot ... even btw me and Ed , M etc ... How am I going to move on in life ... I learn to put down things for GOD ... The peace that God gave yesterday is so much that I had never felt so peaceful before ... Even I know I may lose M ... Cause ytd went back to settlers to pass back the things to M ... We din tok at all ...But I felt relieved ... That amazing ... Whether will things go back normal , I wont know but I know I had let go ... Got asthma din go sch ... Sometimes I jus hate the coldness in rain ... Just had lunch with fan meng and fang wen ... we tok alot of life and even family and abt one of our frenz too ... and alot of funnie things ... Most of my problems seem so small ... Rain is nice but i alwaz get sick during rainy season ... Miss the times that i walk n run in the rain ... feel so relax ... Thanks God .. reali let go n let GOD is so peaceful de ...

___herre with miee*~
4:14 PM
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Sunday, November 20, 2005
Is dying an option or solution ?

My life is in a mess ... Just with family ... Told M but got scolding .... I always thought that I know why I want to die , but after talking I dont know why ... WHy are there options that I didnt want to take ? Why are there alternatives that I dont to consider ? Why am I complaining ? WHy do I chose that option? He is pissed and angry with me , very disappointed, very irriated ... and I know as a friend he cares ... But I dont know why I am not listening to him . I just want to make things right ... I dont want to be separated from GOD ... Why am sinking into the lies of Satan that I can go and die and is better ???? Why do I have to consider that choice when I know is a super bad choice ? Why do I have to alwazys give excuses to people options ? WHY? WHY ? M hung up my call ... I know he is fuming ... He is sick and tired of seeing and hearing me so negative ... Why do I have to tell him all these ? If I dont , he wont knows ... And he wont be pissed and angry and irriated ...

___herre with miee*~
3:00 AM
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Saturday, November 19, 2005
Seven things about me

Seven things that scare me
1 - loneliness
2 - Losing my way
3 - Losing him .... but I think it had happened
4 - People ignoring or angry with me
5 - Losing loved ones
6 - Not being able to look after myself
7 - Life without friends

Seven things I like the most
1 - To feel loved
2 - Boardgames!
3 - Mango cake /Tiramisu
4 - Friends
5 - Soups
6 - Fruits and Vegetables
7 - having loads of love

Seven important things in my room
1 - My books
2 - My eeyore
3 - My bookshelf
4 - My boardgames
5 - My gift boxes - full of very sweet and nice memories
6 - My daddy's stuff
7 - My collection of bags

Seven random facts about me
1 - I am loud , reali loud
2 - Given a choice, I won't be eating
3 - I love sports but cant cause of my stupid ankle and my back
4 - I love getting massages
5 - I dont who I am and what I wants ...
6 - I nearly died
7 - I want to die
Seven things I plan to do before I die
1 - Someone to understand me
2 - To remain married to someone I love till I die
3 - To make my parents happy
4 - To live in a house
5 - To have a family
6 - To be a missionary
7 - To write letters to everione

Seven things I can do
1 - Theatre
2 - Survive an entire day without food
3 - Sleep talk/sleep walk
4 - Dont sleep for days
5 - Sleep standing up
6 - Dance
7 - Socialise with a room full of strangers

Seven things I can't do
1 - Organize my life
2 - Listen to people
3 - Making people angry without making myself upset
4 - Paint
5 - Eat food without veggies
6 - Say no to offers of Tiramisu and mango cakes
7 - Stop playing boardgames

___herre with miee*~
7:25 AM
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Hai ...

Damm sad ... I dun noe wat i m feeling rite nw ... I feel sad jus nw cos I n M became strangers ... worse than him n other pple lor ... y ??? I jus wan it to b back like in the past ... I reali dunnoe wat he is tinking n feeling which I reali wan to noe ... he msg to comfort as few daes ago I nearly tried to end my life ... he promise tiramisu ... but todae the tiramisu went to 3 gers ...nt jealous... scared rather ... wat i observe is true .... Pain arh ...

___herre with miee*~
3:35 AM
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Me n my future partner ....

Your dating personality profile:

You matched the following traits:

Athletic - Physical fitness is one of your priorities. You find the time to work athletic pursuits into your schedule. You enjoy being active.
Big-Hearted - You are a kind and caring person. Your warmth is inviting, and your heart is a wellspring of love.
Religious - Faith matters to you. It is the foundation that you build your life upon. You trust that God has a plan for you.

Your date match profile:

You match with men who have following traits:

Athletic - You aren't looking for a couch potato. You seek someone who is active and who keeps his body in top shape.
Traditional - You aren't looking for someone who is sexually repressed. You want someone who is adventurous under the covers.
Big-Hearted - You want someone compassionate, someone gentle and kind. A loving, nurturing person will fill that hole in your life.

Your Top Ten Traits, Ranked - me

1. Athletic
2. Big-Hearted
3. Religious
4. Liberal
5. Wealthy/Ambitious
6. Traditional
7. Practical
8. Adventurous
9. Romantic
10. Sensual

Your Top Ten Match Traits, Ranked - future partner

1. Athletic
2. Traditional
3. Big-Hearted
4. Religious
5. Conservative
6. Intellectual
7. Practical
8. Adventurous
9. Outgoing
10. Stylish

___herre with miee*~
2:33 AM
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Thursday, November 17, 2005
Angry , upset ...

Todae is a busy dae ... a sad dae ... an angry dae .... M ask me to F*** off and yell @ me ... I am stunned ... veri shocked ... Is he the M i noe or nt ? I noe he is angry with customers , and I ask him @ the wrong time ... but is customers who want that ... n ask me .... I ve to ask him cos I cant contradict him ... I din do anything wrong lor .... but y ??? Then he slam the bottle in front of me ... wat he tinks he is doing ..... I want to forget n forgive so hard ..... After he is slightly back norm I think ... I dont whether gt to do wit anione ... The scence of him yelling alwaz appears in mind ..... B4 I went off told him ... Thanks for telling me to F*** off ... I din see his reaction but someone else saw it .... I AM SO SAD N ANGRY !!!

___herre with miee*~
9:03 AM
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Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Kermit frog

I am a Kermit the Frog because ....

You scored 45% Organization, 60% abstract, and 84% extroverted!

You are mostly organized, both concrete and abstract, and more extroverted.

Here is why are you Kermit the Frog >>>

You are both somewhat organized. You have a good idea where you put things and you probably keep your place reasonably clean. You aren't totally obsessed with neatness though. Kermit is also reasonably tidy. He'll even dress up for interviews. You both are sometimes concrete and sometimes abstract thinkers. Kermit spends a lot of his time as a reporter collecting facts, but he is also the author of the dreamy song "The Rainbow Connection." You have a good balance in your life. You know when to be logical at times, but you also aren't afraid to explore your dreams and desires... within limits of course.You are both extroverts. Kermit gets along with everyone. Sure a few folks annoy him, but that's just because they are annoying. Kermit likes to meet new people when he does his job as a street reporter. You definitely enjoy the company of others, and you don't have problems meeting new people... in fact you probably look forward to it. You are willing to take charge when necessary or work as part of a team

___herre with miee*~
10:38 PM
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Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Learning to Relax ....

Today M is sick and dont have to work ... so is the only time we chat more bah .... Realize he likes to ice skate ... nowadays so hard to find people who like to skate ... then realize he went to make tiramisu... it bring me back alot of memories .. about my past relationship etc... I like tiramisu ... Love it ... As it is one of my favorite , another is mango cake ... He tells me to relax ... Below is the dialogue -->

M: ah ... just relax lah ,always telling u to relax but u never do so. Always very loud and very active.
E: washing plates can b relaxing
M: hahaha .... not enuf for u
E: once i quiet dwn is the time i stone
M: hahaha . stone. i've seen that before , thats not relaxing...thats just zoning out and when pple stone they stare far far away,. their body might be here but their mind are somewhere else
E: mean daydream?
M: in yr case ur not daydreaming , ur like just standing there like a dead duck , super ugly
E: tt quite sad to sae is ugly
M: hahah ... well u look terrible when u are tired , so u should get more zzz and look more alive

Lets imagine the scene ... and how actors/actress will act such a scene ... Now is another scene ...

E: I want to drink peach tea
B: NO!!
E: Not cold
B: NO!! Drink warm water
( B went to kitchen to get lukewarm water for E and even test it himself whether will it be too hot for E ... Everyone called B mummy because of that .... E drinks it )
Y: If u take cold drinks , I tell B and he will nag at u
E: M also nag
Y: Good , I want his hp no ... so he can control you ...

I didnt go to work today ... weiquan took over my shift ... No pt going dwn ... Cos I have to face someone I din want to alone .... And most of my guy frenz have probs with gf came to look for me .... sometimes find it funnie ... cause i m nt a typical ger hw can i give advice ??? I cant even settle my own love probs .... Like I dun noe wat is S thinking about when he ask me in the morning if he likes me will i accept .... I ask M for help... but he sae dun implicate him in ... I also dunnoe is good or bad ... But something I can gurantee ... S definitely dont have chance ... cause I smoke him before ... bluff him that I like someone else .. I wonder when will I get a bf .... B and M always I dont know how to take care of myself .... B jus scolded me ytd for drinking cold stuff ....
I want to skate and play volleyball now !!! Damm sad I cant ... Damm jealous of M lor he can go swim ( but I dont know how to ) and run ..... Shld learn from M ...things happen but he learn to take things in his stride ... which is so hard ... think he n B veri strong .... not onli physically but mentally ... Seeing B i noe tt i ll be safe de and M is tt i feel comforted ...

Serve a grp of customers of 7 guys last fri ... Not even my shift :( jus wanna to help them ... n dun feel gd letting my customers unattended ... I teach them around the world in 80 days , ostrakon, jungle speed ( played with them and won ) .... Cause i m the onli ger ... they suan me , tease me ... even M oso kana ... but we ve cakes cause 1 of them birthday and it happen he knows Willis chay .... They are so fun ... hope they enjoy my service ... then they told M they want me to serve next time ... n M sae they like calling for gers like tt and 7 guys 'bully' the only ger... but we had fun ... Then even Ed also saw the way I tok to them ... n Eliza came ... then M tease her ... feel that he likes her ... haha ... then nuthing happens ... then huiyi n shaojing came too ... See that M is super stressed ... still drink beer ... and a grp of customers take forever to bill pissed him off .... bought him mentos n deliberately give him in front of Ed ... I feel bad ... but no choice ... M wanted to join us to go out ... dun noe he joking or he wan to c someone ... Went hm abt 3plus in the morn ... He never admit it ...
Me , eliza, shaojing, deric, huiyi went to buy +mas decor ... then eliza tot of deric bdae gift so she used my hp called M and tok abt it ... We walked and walked ... and i sprained my ankle again ... then saw blue snowflake and insist on buying it even though no stock ... so we took it off the trees and get them to sell me ... veri pretty lor
Knock down by bicycle cause I stone n knock my head on the lamp post when i going home on sun ... So blur lor ... veri pain but recovering ... haha
I hope that ed n I can cont to b frenz ...

___herre with miee*~
1:59 AM
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Monday, November 14, 2005
The Which Historic General Are You Test

A Hippie
You scored 53 Wisdom, 39 Tactics, 56 Guts, and 23 Ruthlessness!
You know nothing about tactics or war. You are docile and cowardly and the mere thought of violence is enough to make you wet yourself. Hate to break it to you, but chances are very good that you're not General material.... not even BAD General material. Hell you're probably not even a productive member of society. Why are you even here? Don't you have a peace pipe to smoke, or a war to protest or something? So here's to you and to whatever naive country that lets you vote....
Leaders who share your beliefs include: Jaques Chirac and Gerard Schroeder My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:


You scored higher than 18% on Unorthodox


You scored higher than 3% on Tactics


You scored higher than 53% on Guts


You scored higher than 3% on Ruthlessness

___herre with miee*~
6:02 AM
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Monday, November 07, 2005
Loss..........

Haha... I know who organize my birthday party in settlers le .... is M_ _ _ ... so happy that I know .... but shld b able to guess de lor .... jus tt I blur
Alot of things happen since my birthdae... Knew oscar for a dae ... the next dae he asked colin for my no ... but colin is nice dun give him then that idiot fredik so kind hearted ... gave him ... then he msg me ask me mon free... i sae no then he ask me thurs free... i sae no then he cont to msg me .... then i onli know edward like less than a mth ... then he ask me whether i like him , whether i like mark, whether i ve bf , whether i n mark together , m i les etc .... then we tok abt other things ... then dunnoe whether issit i sae i dun mind guy nt rich n handsome jus nt sticky n possessive n christian ... i told him b4 i like him onli as a frenz, collegue, bro ... nt as his gf .... but he sae he like me nt as bro n sis ... he never treat me like sis b4 ... then we tok .... the next dae he assume tt i can give him a chance ... so he msg me whether i mind him b my bf ... i m so damm shock la ... then i go n call mark ... he is angry wit me the dae b4 ... but dun wan tell me y ... so sad :'( but is fine nw ... haha nw to edward n mark until i wan to kill myself ...

___herre with miee*~
1:00 AM
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Tuesday, November 01, 2005
HAHA...

On sun , cabbages gave me 2 ankle guards - 1 is ankle wrap with adjustable compression and the other is ankle sleeve .... I m so touched ... chosen by chuan ... Then we went shopping ... to c computers n laptops ... weixin n chuan nearly vomitted blood cos i so blur n stupid wit IT ...
Work yesterday ... with mark , edward, yanxiang, eric, kaejar, darren, caris'sbro [cant remember his name heehee ]... chin siang n javen came dwn jus as customers haha..... Mark tried to comfort me when i came cos i look so damm sad n he asks me whether i eat n all tt in the kitchen reali damm sweet n all ..... ... he alwaz noe hw to comfort me ... Then saw my regular customer cum frenz , valerie , chris {her bf}, jenny , kf [her bf] ... played some games wit them ... then teasing came ..... I shld blame myself for being big mouth ... go and say they very loving ... then they sae i also can ... then mark walk pass .... then they sae i n mark **** then i ask mark to take over to teach ... they still giggling there ... i went in kitchen to force myself drink honey water cos mark sae i shld cos i omost ve no voice le ... so hoarse he said ... then valerie n jenny wrote in the feedback form that i m friendly but shy ard mark .... i nearly wan to burst out laughing .... i pass it to edward ... then edward read it out to mark ... wonder wat edward thinks abt it esp b4 tt he jus sae he wan to accompany me to buy mp3 player when i mumbling to myself tt i forget to call weixin to ask him help me to buy mp3 player or ask him accompany me ... then i sae i wan my weixin to go instead of him .. then he gave me tt sad look ... mark jus omost fainted by the comment ... n told my frenz he nt working the dae they come in the future... wonder is he nt happy .... n wat he tinks ...
I like someone but cant sae ... but i dun like someone i oso cant sae ... So stupid .... GOD shows me the sign , tell me who is meant for me ...

___herre with miee*~
4:19 AM
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